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Saturday, 21 November 2009

What Have Your Talents Taught You?

In our youth we spend much of our time figuring out what our talents are- we practice instruments, play sports, sing, take class after class to find what we're interested in. Much of what we are good at defines us- football players become jocks, creative types become immersed in music, or art or poetry, intellectuals wax about philosphy or politics or write opinionated volumes on life. We are what we can do- we feel valued when we are praised for our abilities, so we do more and become better so that our giftings are something we can wear proudly as a badge. We eagerly tell people what we can do, offering our services. Soon enough, we become useful. We win games, competitions, noteriety & a good name for what we do well. And we like it. We like the attention, the admiration and even the jealousy. Those of us who don't have a definable talent sometimes rely on our charm or looks & the use of those things as a commodity becomes our special talent.

Then we get older & the talent that we so eagerly flaunted and bragged about as precocious youngsters, becomes a burden. The nerds get called on to fix any and all computer problems. The guitarists get asked to teach anyone and everyone guitar. The pretty girls get hit on & objectified. The jocks win games & get injured -permanently. We get used - all for what we can do, sometimes with little care for who we are. Our identity that was once so wrapped up in that thing that achieved us success, is such a small part of our evolved and complex selves. Beyond our talents, we realize our minds and emotions and who we are is intrinsically deeper and more valuable than our abilities. I once had a conversation with some fellow musicians, wondering aloud what we would do within the context of church had we not had our set of abilities - singing, playing an instrument, being able to lead people in worship. I mused that I might just be the introverted, bookish brunette who wore long skirts, came to church late and left early, not really "useful", so mostly unnoticed. My talents are what made me stand out, and void of those things I felt I would not be someone people would bother with.

Thus the thing we strove so hard to master becomes an implement of pain. We get hurt or burnt out & we don't want to be used or defined by our talents anymore. We respond in various ways. We may try harder, some of us finding that it's easier to be used than to be overlooked. We view invisibility as a curse rather than a blessing. Or the opposite of that -we hide our light under a bushel, because the last time we let it shine, we became crushed by expectation and performance, void of reciprocity & consideration. We keep them to ourselves, holding them close to us and only sharing with those we trust implicitly. The satisfaction that we once experienced by giving away & sharing our talents is dampened by cynicism & a deep desire to be known, rather than to be used. As I've said before, we all have a want to be needed, but none of us want to feel used. We are human BEings, not human DOings and we are far more than the sum of our talents.

So what is the solution? I read a quote the other day, one quite popular: "You can give without loving, but you can't love without giving."--Mother Teresa. Sure we can serve and do and use our talents in abundance, but devoid of love and correct motives, it's fairly robotic and will always leave us feeling less than valued. And if we give of ourselves and our talents with love, minus the ulterior motives of wanting to be accepted and liked or praised (that's a feat right there), then even if we get used, we ultimately will be used because we loved, not because we were talented. And I'd much rather prefer to say I was used because I loved.

What are some lessons your talents have taught you?

*not to brag, but most of this post was written on my phone. hehe.
Tardy but So VERY Thankful!!!!

For my dear friend Amanda who has been such a wonderful friend here on Xanga and in real life. Getting to meet her this year was definitely a highlight of my year. She is an amazing woman of God and her faith inspires me on a daily basis. That said, on the anniversary of her 2 yrs of posting Thankful Thursdays, I decided to list 100 reasons why I'm thankful for my dear friend Amanda:
1. She makes a mean Chicken and Leeks
2. She makes great coffee
3. She is a LUSH girl and introduced me to the product
4. She loves Starbucks
5. We share an affinity for coffee, chai tea, earl grey tea and most caffeinated beverages for that matter
6. Sarcasm is one of her many spiritual gifts
7. She will commiserate with me when I'm at my worst, while encouraging me in the best
8. She comforts those who mourn
9. She knows how to be not only a good friend, but a great friend
10. She has a beautiful voice
11. She is amazing at recalling verses and their addresses and speaks a word in due season
12. She will call me on my BS, and do it in love
13. She has a heart for orphans
14. Heck ...she has a heart for everyone
15. She has great taste in music
16. She is my latino sister - it makes me feel more like a Watina to know her
17. She introduced me to the Twilight series and asked me to have an open mind about the books (which I enjoyed)
18. I don't think she's ever uttered the words "Get over it." to anyone
19. That's because she has the gift of compassion and mercy
20. She's a fellow Texan
21. She invites me to come visit her
22. She loves Pastor Mark Driscoll as much as I do
23. She loves to read and her love of books challenges me to be a better reader
24. She took me to the Edgar Allen Poe museum
25. Her smile is beautiful
26. She is a wonderful hostess and makes people feel at home
27. She comes up with great ideas like reading a Psalm a day, or writing postcards to her future husband
28. She comes up with great analogies like Vanilla Trees
29. I may have to fight her over Ryan Reynolds
30. And Hugh Jackman
31. She is a woman of dignity and honor
32. She fights for her friends
33. She fights for truth
34. She recognizes and calls out lies
35. She likes PF Changs
36. And Panera Bread
37. She's cool in spite of the fact that she owns an iPhone
38. And twitters more than I do
39. She is a fantastic writer who is gifted at expressing and communicating clearly with love
40. She is tenacious
41. She is patient
42. She could write a book on how to be a good bridesmaid
43. She doesn't give up
44. She gives amazing relationship advice and is always insightful with it
45. She lives her life intentionally. People matter to her
46. She works a night job and does so with superior aplomb
47. She is prayerful. She doesn't pray what she wants, she always tries to pray what God wants
48. She is spirit led
49. She is sacrificial in her love of others
50. She is a wonderful daughter
51. And sister
52. And aunt
53. She has a heart of worship.
54. She has a humble spirit
55. She has been there for me and prayed for me in some of my darkest days
56. She doesn't condescend
57. She honors God with her singleness
58. She is an example to fellow believers
59. She has a beautiful laugh
60. She is full of Grace
61. She quotes Beth Moore and Andrew Murray
62. She knows how to make people feel loved
63. She is understanding
64. She likes Muse
65. And Ray LaMontagne
66. We have the exact same laptop, just different colors
67. She likes purple
68. She is passionate
69. She is my twitter buddy and tag team twitter debater.
70. She introduced me to author Mark Batterson
71. She loves classical music
72. And opera
73. She likes candles
74. And the cool side of the pillow
75. She always has a way of saying something so convicting but in a way that it feels like she gave you a hug
76. She likes wine
77. She is hilarious. Truly witty
78. She is a muse- she always inspires me to thought and many a good blog has resulted from our convos
79. She loves rain and thunderstorms
80. She is authentic with her faith
81. She is transparent
82. She is beautiful
83. No really, I'm writing this list and I'm once again shocked that she's single. Apparently, men in VA are as blind as the men here in TX
84. She practices what she preaches
85. She receives correction with humility
86. She came alongside me in empathy following my breakup
87. She is a friend to the friendless
88. She is a servant
89. She doesn't placate or dole out cliches.
90. She is firm in her beliefs, but she is neither judgemental or a bully
91. She has prayed coworkers into the Kingdom
92. She cares enough to be honest in confrontation, even if the outcome is not desirable
93. She is focused on God and His voice, not the enemy or others
94. Her life is not her own
95. She has a tender heart
96. She is timely - she always seems to text or call or pray right when someone needs her to
97. She will be an amazing wife someday
98. And mother
99. She has courage
100. She doesn't give up
I love you Amanda!

Saturday, 14 November 2009

A Few Thoughts On Birth Control
Let's say someone told you that you could take a magical pill that would make you lose weight & keep you thin and you wouldn't have to diet or exercise. You would just be required to take this pill once a day, at the same time every day & in order to remain slender, you must continue using this pill for as long as you wanted to remain thin. The monthly cost of this pill would be around $40 or more. Of course, being that magical weight loss pills have come and gone, often with fatal results, your skepticism would prompt you to inquire about the risks and side effects of this pill, even if it was your doctor recommending this drug. And what if your doctor told you these were some of the potential side effects:
- Reduced or increased acne
- Slight nausea
- Emotional sensitivity
- Mood swings
- Irregular bleeding or spotting
- Breast tenderness
- Decreased libido
Taking this pill could also make you a target for:
- Increased risk of cervical and breast cancers
- Increased risk of heart attack and stroke
- Migraines
- Higher blood pressure
- Gall bladder disease
- Infertility
- Benign liver tumors
- Decreased bone density
- Yeast overgrowth and infection
- Increased risk of blood clotting
Would you then take the pill, gambling your health and hoping you wouldn't be in the percentage of people at risk for various health dangers? Or would you look at your doctor like he was crazy and say "No thanks."?
As much as I struggle with my weight, I don't think I would do it. In fact, and this is something I've never told anyone, I begged my doctor to put me on Phentermine last year after I got dumped. I was convinced I would be alone for the rest of my life unless I became skinny, and my doc at the time had prescribed my coworker the drug and she lost 50 lbs (she is now having serious health problems). I took it for a month and almost lost my mind. I experienced every possible side-effect the drug warned of: insomnia, dry mouth, digestive issues, mood swings, depression, nervousness and anxiety. Granted, the depression and mood swings were a part of my life at that time anyway, but the insomnia and anxiety and digestive issues (I ate next to nothing but felt like their was a boulder in my tummy 24/7-painful), were intolerable. The moment I stopped taking even the half dose, I started sleeping and feeling normal again. It wasn't worth it.
Yet, there are tons of women, women I know, friends of mine who go to the gynecologist or dermatologist and sign up for a pill without asking questions or researching the risks. And this pill, with these known side effects, are being recommended by doctor after doctor. Because the FDA won't investigate the risks or look at the long term implications, doctors don't see anything to be concerned about & they recommend the Pill and usually nothing else, for birth control in women.
Now if I can be so bold, let's look at this from a common sense perspective. You are taking a drug. This drug alters your body's natural cycle, the thing that makes us women (our ability to bear children) and tricks it into thinking it is pregnant, even though you are not. These synthetic hormones are essentially attacking your natural hormones and messing with your entire reproductive system. When most of us take drugs, we take them over the short term. Long term drug users are considered addicts and addicts have severe and often fatal health problems. How is it that we think taking a drug every day (or using a IUD or ring or a shot to deliver the drug) won't harm us? I'm not trying to be an alarmist here. I'm just being practical. Just remove the "BC is totally safe" filter from your brain for a second and evaluate this from an entirely common sense angle and I think you might bee a bit concerned too.
Here's the problem. I'm in a hypocritical and potentially judgemental position to be talking about this issue. I've never used birth control or had the need. I don't know what it feels like to have that anxiety or to be desperate for a solution to a problem. The solution most women have come up with is the Pill since hormonal BC was introduced in the 60's. It's known the be to most effective and convenient. It doesn't interrupt your life too much to pop a pill, but a condom in the middle of a passionate moment is. I get that. I'm not trying to be a jerk here. I'm just trying to be honest with other women about something that has serious potential health risks that most people ignore. Just because something is convenient and effective doesn't mean it is safe, and that is the impression many women on the Pill have. It's safe, my doctor recommended it, there's nothing to worry about. 100 million women use the Pill globally, so all those people can't be wrong...or can they? They can, and they are.
Heart disease and cancer are the top 2 killers of women, and those percentages have risen in the last 10 yrs, while heart disease has dropped in men. Those are potential risk factors for the Pill. Can no one see the correlation? There are serious health risks involved when many women start taking the Pill as early as age 15 and continue using it off and on THROUGHOUT their lifetime. I'm beginning to wonder if it will get so bad that the moment a young woman bleeds, she's on the Pill. When the concept of hormonal birth control was being developed by Searle, the pharmaceutical company noted that having a drug marketed to women that they would use throughout their lifetime would be monetarily advantageous. The companies that market hormonal birth control make billions of dollars a year. They market it for something as simple as adult acne now. They also have lawsuits that they settle yearly as well. Remember when the birth control patch came out several years ago and how heavily it was marketed on TV and in mags and women went out in droves to get it? Then the lawsuits started because the Patch delivered too much fake estrogen in a women's system, causing deadly strokes and blood clots. The Patch was pulled. There are similar lawsuits pending on a Yaz and Yasmine and yet it is still being prescribed by doctors and taken by women. Because it is still deemed safe by the FDA.
Ok so those are the health risks, which in my mind, are enough to cause serious consideration. But then, as a christian, I have to evaluate the moral/ethical implications that taking birth control poses. I'm not Catholic and I'm not going to go into a dissertation of why preventing the birth of a child is a sin. I believe for some people it can be. I am of the mind that if you don't want kids, you probably shouldn't be married, but that is me taking the bible pretty literally and I don't expect everyone else to. If you aren't prepared to to handle the implications of having a child, you aren't responsible enough to have sex, an activity in which reproduction is the end result. Children are a gift and in our culture they are almost viewed as the enemy - they take your time your money, your attention, your life. They should instead be shuffled off to day cares and schools to get them out of the way. It's really quite sad. Kids are so incredible. We as Americans should be ashamed at the way we treat, respond and think about children. Since I value children, conception is a big deal to me. The Pill is a known abortifacient. No matter what the percentages are, if you conceive while on the pill, the Pill has changed your body to be a harmful environment for your child and it will kill it. Plain and simple. Your body is a human furnace for your child and it will never get a chance to implant itself on the wall of your uterus because your uterus won't allow it to. Your child then dies. Yeah sure the percentages are small, according to the pharmaceutical companies, but the fact that it can happen, presents a serious ethical quandary. If I believe life begins at conception, as do many pro-lifers, then if I take the Pill, I am a hypocrite and potential murderer who is more concerned about convenience than life. I didn't really want to address this on this post, but I never knew that about the Pill until college when my Ethics professor introduced it. I didn't believe him, because it seemed preposterous. So many pastors tell engaged couples to get on the Pill for the first few years of marriage, why would they do that if the Pill could cause abortions? I researched and found my ethics professor to be right and that made my choice there. I have had several discussions with various engaged friends and the overwhelming choice for them is the Pill when it comes to birth control and even in the face of these facts, Christian women whom I admire, choose to take a drug that can kill a baby.
If we are going to say taking the Pill is about our bodies, our sexuality and being in control, then we really need to make sure we know what we are getting into. Your sexuality is in your control, but your libido is shot cuz you're on the pill. You are in control of your body, but not cancer or heart disease. We can't pretend we are invincible, even though we are women.
I'll get into alternative methods of birth control next week.
Sources:
http://www.americanheart.org/downloadable/heart/123783441267009Heart%20and%20Stroke%20Update.pdf
http://www.fda.gov/downloads/Drugs/GuidanceComplianceRegulatoryInformation/EnforcementActivitiesbyFDA/WarningLettersandNoticeofViolationLetterstoPharmaceuticalCompanies/UCM143477.pdf
http://www.fda.gov/ForConsumers/ByAudience/ForWomen/ucm118465.htm
http://blogs.abcnews.com/health_insider/2009/01/think-birth-con.html
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/pill/peopleevents/e_effects.html
http://www.news-medical.net/news/2005/07/11/11582.aspx

Thursday, 05 November 2009

Birth Control Part 1

Disclaimer: I have never had any need for birth control as I've never had sex. So it's pretty obnoxious of me to be writing a post such as this one. It was inspired by a fellow Xangans post on the topic. That said, I would like to point out that I tend to investigate and do a lot of research about any decision I make. I'm not one of those traditionally conformist types who just does what everyone else is doing because everyone else is doing it. I'm going to do my best to state my views without pulling my belief system into it, being that I feel there are a lot of valid reasons for making informed choices regarding birth control devoid of any moral or religious implications.

I'm still gathering a few links and sources so I don't throw out my stats willy nilly without anything to back them up, so while I do that, please satiate my curiosity, and answer a couple questions.

If you feel uncomfortable divulging this information, you are welcome to submit it anonymously by logging out and leaving an anonymous comment. Both men and women are welcome to participate.

Questions
1. Do you use birth control?
2. If so, what is your preferred method or the one that you use most often (condom, UID, Ortho-Evra, Yasmine, diaphragm...)?
3. If not, what do you plan on using for birth control in the future (if this is something you've considered before)?
4. Why do you use/will you use that method of birth control? What is your primary reason? Are you satisfied with your choice?
5. Was your current method of BC recommended to you by a doctor or friend or did you do research before selecting it?
6. What are some of the benefits of your BC method, besides the not getting preggo thing?
7. What are some of the cons or side effects of your BC method?

Feel free to add whatever else you wish.

My thoughts on BC will be up tomorrow.

Tuesday, 03 November 2009

The Conversation I Have Every #$&%^ Day

I am going to do my best to reenact a conversation (ala sonnetjoy) that I have on a DAILY basis.
I work for a family business - we sell insurance and we do home insulation. The insulation guys are rarely around because they install the insulation all day long, & we field the calls. I technically only work on the insurance side of the biz, except for the phone answering portion. Well, the owner of the insulation business took out a 6 month ad in the local shoppers guide selling steel 50-gallon barrels for $5 each. The barrels (that stored the insulation product until it was used) went like hotcakes and we were soon sold out in the first few weeks. But the ad runs every week on Friday and we get a fresh batch of calls every week asking for barrels. Thing is I find these calls disconcerting, because they always go something like this:
Me: Hello, Family Owned Insulation Company, this is Brooke, how can I help you?
Barrel Person: Where're you located?
Me: In Kaufman
BP: Where in Kaufman?

Me: *names closest intersection by my office, which is smack dab in the middle of town*
BP: er...what're you closest to?

Me: the Exxon station. I'm sorry, how can I help you?
BP: I wonted to come get some of them thar bahruhls (closest phonetic representation of how 75% of BP's says the word barrels)
Me: Well, we are sold out.

BP: When you gonna get summore in?

Me: it will be at least a month
BP: ohkay thanks. bye.
Now on the surface, this conversation seems innocuous. They are just calling because they need a receptacle in which to burn their trash or store feed, right? If so, why the interrogation over the exact location of our offices? Granted, this is a business, but THEY don't know that. The ad doesn't state that we are. I don't know about you, but if someone is selling a car or an item that's typically stored OUTSIDE, the first question I ask is NEVER going to be their physical address. Talk about making someone think you are a crook. Geez. But I promise you, the majority (over 70%) of these calls that we have received inquiring about bahruhls, the person always wants to know up front our exact location. That's just weird, and I'm not going to be crazy and tell you so you can come to our office after dark and take something you don't want to pay $5 for. Sorry local petty thieves - you have been thwarted by the Receptionist once again!